Relate (The Craft Beers and Whiskey Song)

*to be sung to the tune of Escape (The Pina’ Colada Song)*


I really needed a new scene, minus the bullshit and guilt

People all around saying, that I’d destroy what I’d built

So I burned my old bridges, and went on down to the pub

And I took up the stage mic, then shouted out to the Bubs


If you like craft beers and whiskey, and staying out really late

If you’re not into praying, if you’re cool with the gays

If you like walking into bondage shops, and trying out everything

I’m a fella you could hang with, raise your glass and relate


Then the patrons looked around, not really quite sure what to think

Of the man right before them, who had listed off their favorite drinks

Yet a stormy eyed woman, came a walking my way

Took the mic with a firm hand, said she had something to say


Yes I like craft beers and whiskey, and staying out really late

I’ve got no use for praying, my twin brother is gay

If you’re into the BDSM scene, there’s a place down the street

Let’s have a couple more drinks, then head on down the beat


After a few shots of whiskey, she wrapped her arm around mine

She smelled of leather and honey, her body felt so sublime

Then we walked down the street, to Dan’s Hide Tanning Boutique

And we talked on the way down, speaking of positions we knew


“Do you know the Lotus and Strappado, do you like swings with a view?”

I told her I’d never done those, but I was always up for something new

“Well if you want to stay out really late, we could sure have some fun”

You’re the scene that I’ve looked for, I’m really glad we’re the same


That you like craft beers and whiskey, and staying out really late

There’s really no use in praying, and we both love the gays

We’re going to stroll into a bondage shop, and try out everything

I’m the scene that you’ve wanted, let’s step inside and relate


We’ve had our craft beers and whiskey, we’re definitely staying out late

I’ll make you pray before the night ends, we’ll find out if you’re gay

There is no bullshit or guilt to be found, just safe words and moaning

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s